The preparation for a marriage ceremony among the Okiek was a long, drawn out affair that went on for ten years, sometimes longer. This rite wasn’t just a nuptial, but was an arrangement between two families who got to know each other in the years leading up to the ideal time for the ceremony.
When the time for a boy’s initiation drew near, his parents identified a girl – usually one younger than their son – within the community who came from a respected or acceptable family.
The boy’s mother payed the chosen girl’s mother a visit, carrying honey as a gift. These visits were brief but the women got to know each other and the reason for the visit was mentioned but marriage talks were not discussed. Months later, a second visit followed. This time honey wine was brought as a gift. For the Okiek, marriage was a contract between lineages and families. Knowing each other was essential before the children married.
The third and fourth visits happened years after the second. By then, the girl was was older. If all was considered well, her parents gave an answer and if it was ‘yes’, the final meeting was during the girl’s seclusion (after initiation). A yes also allowed for the discussion and negotiation of bride price. Extended families were usually present at the bride price meetings. Bride price was usually large quantities of honey, sheep, cattle, money and quality animal skin items.
The marriage ceremony began in the morning. The groom and his family dressed in their finest attire and adorned themselves with jewellery. He led a sheep to the girl’s house, and his mother and aunts followed carrying honey. The bride’s mother received these gifts. These were just two of the items given as bride price. The rest were cattle, money and animal skin.
After the mother received these gifts, all the women convened in her hut. The bride presented herself and all women smeared fat on her body as a way of blessing her. The women then left the hut, and the bride’s mother gave thanks by putting a little fat on each person’s head. A speech from the groom’s father and other men of his lineage followed and words of advice were given to both bride and groom. The bride’s father then blessed the couple: he anointed them with honey-wine.
The ceremony is said to have lasted six months. This was for the bride to become part of her husband’s lineage. During this time, the groom still dined in his mother’s home. After the six months, the wife was allowed to cook for her husband, and the couple dined together as husband and wife.