In the Meru community, the marriage process unfolded in three distinct steps: courtship, dowry and finally, the wedding ceremony. Courtship was an important foundation for any Meru marriage. It was at this stage that mutual attraction between two people was established. While courtship was highly encouraged, it was only an accepted practice for those who had undergone circumcision. A boy never approached a girl without first inquiring about her to find out whether she was a good match for him. The boy would then enlist the girl’s friends or family and arrange for an informal meeting. Private rendezvous were discouraged among the unmarried, so these “dates” were in public spaces or during community ceremonies. If the two liked each other, arrangements would be made for the boy to meet the girl’s parents and make his intentions known.
Once the parents of both parties were in agreement over the choice of suitor, the two were considered engaged and a date was set for the dowry payment. In the weeks leading up to dowry day, the boy’s mother made a trip to the girl’s home with a gourd full of gruel. The girl’s mother would also return this favour. This was a way for the soon-to-be in-laws to get to know each other.
On the specified day, the boy and his relatives would make their way to the girl’s home to present her father with dowry. This was the most colourful day of the marriage ceremony and was attended by nearly all members of the village. In the Meru culture, dowry consisted of an ewe, a container of honey, a ram, a heifer and a bull. This was the standard dowry paid by all; there were no negotiations. Once paid, both families agreed on the date the girl was to move to her new home, then festivities began. The girl’s family prepared a feast and songs were sung from the moment the boy’s family arrived until the time they left for their home.
When the groom returned to his home after paying the dowry, he began building a matrimonial house for his wife. In place of the door, he hung up banana leaves which would be replaced with an actual door by the bride the morning after they had consummated their marriage. The house had to be ready in time for the wedding day, so the task required haste and craftsmanship.
Meru weddings were not grand occasions, they were days that formalized the union of two families and signified the release of a girl from her parent’s care. They took place at sunset when demons were said to be at their weakest. On this day, the groom’s female relatives came to the girl’s home accompanied by strong young men (muraa) to take their new daughter to her matrimonial home. Before departing, the bride’s father would sprinkle a mixture of honey and milk on his daughter as a blessing and pray for her.