Among the Akamba, a young couple first courted before marriage. Once the young couple was engaged, the boy’s parents presented the girl’s family with two goats to mark the beginning of their in-law relationship (uthoni). Dowry negotiations followed. The groom would gift the bride’s father with traditional brewed beer (uki) to be drank during the talks. Negotiations were strictly undertaken by the male relatives of the couple who decided on the appropriate amount of bride wealth the girl’s family would receive. For the Kamba, dowry was never paid all at once. An agreed number of goats would be given to the girl’s father before his daughter left his house, and the rest was spread throughout the young couple’s marriage. This was symbolic of the fact that marriage is a life-long relationship between the two families and needed to be sustained with frequent interaction.
Once the initial dowry was paid, the boy was free to come get his bride. This was a very quiet affair and was done without prior arrangement. However, the groom had to appease his wife’s mother the next morning with gifts for “stealing” her daughter. Upon arriving at her new home, the bride would stand on the threshold of her hut while her mother-in-law prayed for her. After this, the bride became a full member of her husband’s family.
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How was marriage traditionally celebrated in your community? Was the dowry fixed or negotiable? Share your stories in the comments.
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