Besides blood, kinship ties are created through marriage. Marriage is a source of great pride, happiness, and societal prosperity. When two clans come together in marriage to become a family, it is expected that they can seamlessly interact with and among each other. However, different communities have lores that define how the affinal relatives acquired through marriage relate.
Relations between sons-in-law and mothers-in-law seem to take the centre of these norms. Among the Agikuyu and Kalenjin, sons-in-law are forbidden from going to their in-laws’ houses except for special occasions that they cannot miss. On these occasions, they are expected to visit no earlier than noon, and their stay should not extend later than five in the evening. This is to prevent them from finding themselves in compromising situations with their mothers-in-law – such as seeing their nakedness. It is feared that a curse might result from such an encounter.
In other communities like Luo and Luhya of Western Kenya, a son-in-law cannot sleep under the same roof as their father-in-law. This is discouraged as it is believed to encourage familiarity, which breeds contempt, as the saying goes.
Other norms regarding sons-in-law are on food mannerisms. In some communities like the Agikuyu, a son-in-law should not be seen chewing bones in their in-laws’ place. It is believed that it is dogs that chew bones, so to have them gnawing on bones shows their gluttony and lack of table manners.
Among the Mijikenda, it is taboo for a father-in-law and a daughter-in-law to share the same lavatories. So, in the community, toilet facilities have been defined by gender for the longest period to uphold this norm.
While these norms about in-laws have been controversial over the years, it should be noted that they were implemented to cultivate and promote continuous respect among in-laws by limiting the instances that could threaten harmonious relationships.
What lores on in-laws exist in your community? Let us know in the comments!